In 2006 the kidneys were getting worse and I was getting more and more tired. Instead of doing my Yoga every day it was a struggle to do once a week. Instead of horse riding every week it slipped to once a month. Instead of walking the dogs 3 times a day for 40 mins to 1 hour it slipped to 15 to 20 mins twice a day.
Mood swings appeared and I was hell on earth to anyone near me. I cried if anyone looked at me and if my boss said anything the waterworks would start and I had no idea why and no idea how to control them - what a weeping willow I became. It was so frustrating and at times humiliating.
My consultant started talking about preparing me for Dialysis and Transplant!!
Surely not, surely I'm not that ill, surely a few more pills will help?? Well nothing helped and I got worse but I now realise I must have been in total denial.
Other things started to happen to my body and after a visit to the doctor - 2 weeks later I was rushed into hospital for a Radical Hysterctomy. My sister looked after me for a while and my 80 year old father had to return from overseas to look after me for 8 weeks or more. That was one of the hardest times - having your Dad look after you, feed you and get you up, but actually because he was used to doing things at set times it got me into a routine of breakfast, coffee break, lunch, afternoon tea, supper and bedtime drink. 4 months later I felt fitter and stronger. Great I thought. Now all that's out the way things will improve - well yes they did for a while and I gained strength and was not so tired and exhausted any more so thought everything had been due to the Cancer and not the Kidneys - - Wrong!! Some of it was due to the Cancer but the Kidneys were still getting worse and starting back at work was great in some ways but so exhausting in others.
"Well when can I go back on the transplant list?" I asked the consultant.
"When you have been Cancer Free for 5 years"
"5 YEARS!!" I screamed. Devastated was an understatement to the way I was feeling and it came totally out of the blue.
5 years is a hell of a long time to wait for a chance of a life.
Well what could I do apart from get on with it.
At least I lived through the Cancer and came out the other side and all in all had a good quality of life.
I still had my two fantastic Rottweiller dogs that I had brought over from my time living in South Africa and they helped keep me fit and sane. Whenever I had a bad day the dogs would greet me with their endless wagging tails and unconditional love. Truly not sure where I would be now if I had not had them around me at that time.
Well I started walking the dogs more and more and got fitter and fitter and it was about this time that I met someone while out walking that changed my life, my views and my outlook and helped to turn my life around. He constantly showed me that life is much too precious to take it seriously and you have to laugh at yourself even in the most tragic situations and it works. He has stood by and supported me mentally in my darkest times and has never given up on me when it would frequently have been easier for him to just walk away. Whenever I have a down day he shows me the funny side of what I'm misserable about and makes me laugh at myself and realise that there are plenty of people out there with much tougher lives than I have.
So - - - I keep going.
I am not allowed to eat all the lovely cheeses that I adore or too much meat or other protein and I have learnt to love vegetables, friut and salad and when I have a treat of a piece of meat, fish, cheese or ice cream, I truly appreciate it. I stopped alcohol years ago but now I can enjoy the occassional glass of red or glass of Guiness but all in all life has not been tooooooooo bad over the past fw years.
I have had some bad spells in hospital and things have come pretty close at times but amazingly a few months down the road and you forget the bad times and live and remember the good ones - - like all the new friends I have made in the past couple of years and all the old friends I have managed to trace through the internet and relive and remember some fun times before I was ill.
Monday, 23 May 2011
The Reason
The reason I started this is because I have suffered from Chronic Renal Failure for over 30 years. As my illness got worse I have found it very hard to find any true honest accounts of what happens to the body, how the failure of the kidneys affects you and what side affects the medication causes, so if by writing this it helps just one person get through another rough day then it will be worth writing it.
Don't get me wrong - - I have not been ill for 30++ years, but on and off have suffered from bouts of illness and over the past 5 years the bouts have become more frequent, more painful and longer lasting.
My kidneys are failing and at the present time my 2 kidneys combined only give me a 9% working out put compared to the majority of people who have 100% out put.
When your kidneys start to fail, basically they are poisoning your body because they are not able to get rid of all the toxins rushing around your body.
The side affects I used to suffer were bouts of very pianful gout in my feet and this was when I was in my 20's and 30's and I, like many thought Gout was for red faced old men who drank too much red wine and had too much rich food!! Not true. After many painful years, the Gout was eventually kept under control with medication but the side affects from the medication meant frequent visits to the toilet!!
Along with this my Blood Pressure went sky high which became very dangerous. At the age of 22 I suffered a heart attack and over the next 20 years I suffered 2 Bells Paulsy attacks, waking up in the morning with a droopy lop sided face and dribbling I called a sister and asked what to do if you see someone with a lop sided face and dribbling?? She said "Run in the other direction"!! Well very luckily for me the heart attack and bells palsy eventually left me with no side affects, so although I am no stunning model the eyes nose and mouth are all sort of in the right place!!
Medication has been a bit of trial and error with good days and bad. Bad days include headaches from hell, skin that itches so much you scratch it raw, legs that do break dancing all on their own, particularly at night, and the nausea and sickness is relentless at times.
You go through stages where food just tastes of metal and your mouth is like the bottom of a bird cage, your weight goes up and down faster than a yo yo and the food you eat is severly restricted depending on how your blood results are.
You start to live by numbers - Urea output, Creatine, Protein, Phospherous, glucose etc etc etc - - The lethargy and tirednes are the worst as you just can not get out of bed some days and as I'm the only person paying the bills I have to continue to work full time when some days a day in bed would be pure luxuary - - BUT then there are the good days when the sun is shining, you have enough energy to actually go out with friends and enjoy the day and feel normal again and get on with life.
You certainly learn to appreciate things and look at life differently.
I still have my bad days but I always try to stay away from people on those days and not inflict myself on anyone and eventually they pass, but I always try to stay positive and appreciate the good in others, the love and help from friends, family and loved ones and try to notice the little things like, the sun, new leaves on trees, the smell of fresh bread and coffee, the smile on a loved ones face, the wink of an eye and the brilliant sound, smell and vibration of a V8 motor roaring by - - - aaahhh positive smiling thoughts.
Don't get me wrong - - I have not been ill for 30++ years, but on and off have suffered from bouts of illness and over the past 5 years the bouts have become more frequent, more painful and longer lasting.
My kidneys are failing and at the present time my 2 kidneys combined only give me a 9% working out put compared to the majority of people who have 100% out put.
When your kidneys start to fail, basically they are poisoning your body because they are not able to get rid of all the toxins rushing around your body.
The side affects I used to suffer were bouts of very pianful gout in my feet and this was when I was in my 20's and 30's and I, like many thought Gout was for red faced old men who drank too much red wine and had too much rich food!! Not true. After many painful years, the Gout was eventually kept under control with medication but the side affects from the medication meant frequent visits to the toilet!!
Along with this my Blood Pressure went sky high which became very dangerous. At the age of 22 I suffered a heart attack and over the next 20 years I suffered 2 Bells Paulsy attacks, waking up in the morning with a droopy lop sided face and dribbling I called a sister and asked what to do if you see someone with a lop sided face and dribbling?? She said "Run in the other direction"!! Well very luckily for me the heart attack and bells palsy eventually left me with no side affects, so although I am no stunning model the eyes nose and mouth are all sort of in the right place!!
Medication has been a bit of trial and error with good days and bad. Bad days include headaches from hell, skin that itches so much you scratch it raw, legs that do break dancing all on their own, particularly at night, and the nausea and sickness is relentless at times.
You go through stages where food just tastes of metal and your mouth is like the bottom of a bird cage, your weight goes up and down faster than a yo yo and the food you eat is severly restricted depending on how your blood results are.
You start to live by numbers - Urea output, Creatine, Protein, Phospherous, glucose etc etc etc - - The lethargy and tirednes are the worst as you just can not get out of bed some days and as I'm the only person paying the bills I have to continue to work full time when some days a day in bed would be pure luxuary - - BUT then there are the good days when the sun is shining, you have enough energy to actually go out with friends and enjoy the day and feel normal again and get on with life.
You certainly learn to appreciate things and look at life differently.
I still have my bad days but I always try to stay away from people on those days and not inflict myself on anyone and eventually they pass, but I always try to stay positive and appreciate the good in others, the love and help from friends, family and loved ones and try to notice the little things like, the sun, new leaves on trees, the smell of fresh bread and coffee, the smile on a loved ones face, the wink of an eye and the brilliant sound, smell and vibration of a V8 motor roaring by - - - aaahhh positive smiling thoughts.
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