OK, so last post was a bit depressing - sorry all. I try not to get upset by all this but have a few off days and to be honest when I have these off days the best way to get over them is to write it all down and get rid of the frustration, anger and the feeling of complete desperation.

So after the shock of the Surgeon telling me things were moving a lot quicker than I expected and she wants to bring everything forward by about A YEAR!! I went home sobbed a lot, hugged the dog again and again, my friend came over and made me dinner and made me see things differently, made me kaugh at myself, played devils advocate and started me smiling again - although deep down I do not believe a word of it!!! LOL

On one day last week I had 3 apponitments in one day.
The first one was to have my boobs squashed in a vice 4 times. Not at all enjoyable but this saved my life 5 years ago so lets hope the outcome is the same this time round.

Then I had to see the nurses who punctured me yet again to take more blood samples. As usual they wanted to take from the arm that was having none of it and did not want to give anything up so I came out looking like a kid that had played with the first aid box. Crosses of sticky plaster on both arms, wrists and a hand.

Next appointment was with my consultant who prodded and poked and listened and sent me away for another few weeks saying "Keep drinking the water and eating and sleeping"
Easy for him to say when food makes me feel sick, be sick and not want to eat. Kidneys keep me awake at night and do not allow me to sleep for more than 2 hours at a time even though I am exhausted all the time and could curl up and sleep anywhere - including under my desk at work ( Yes - I have tried it) but as soon as I lie down - - BING - wide awake again. 10 mins later exhausted again.
Never mind "Onwards and upwards" as they say.

Next came the visit to my accupuncturist. He is my miracle worker at the moment. I arrive at his clinic feeling down, misserable, nauseous, sick and grumpy, tired, exhausted and thoroughly pissed off with everything. After a few needles here and there I walk out as if floating on air feeling happy, content and ready to take on the world again. Whenever I leave his clinic the first thing I do is go and eat. Just amazing - he restores my appetite straight away, no more nausea or sickness and I go home and sleep for a full 6 hours. Total Bliss.
Now if only he could restore a little more Kidney output I would not need this horrendous dialysis or transplant. I just keep telling him to "Turn your needles up and give me more energy and get the kidneys to get rid of more toxins". I just have to keep positive thinking and pray it kicks in soon. He has managed to get another ladies kidney output another 5%. 5% does not sound much but 5% ontop of my 8% takes me back to how I was 18 months ago, where I was fit enough to work full time and not feel exhausted all day, still be able to ride the horses 3 times a week, still scuba dive and enjoy it, walk the dogs for over an hour, dance, shop and eat what and when I liked. I have none of those pleasures any more.

So come on Needles - - start doing some magic for me.